My journey has been a long one, full of ups and downs , full of mistakes and regrets. After much study and connection with others to educate myself about mental illness, I am now sharing my story to help others.

 

My oldest son died by suicide 9 years ago after trying everything he could to get better. My husband and I went on this journey beside him not knowing what we could do to help. As most parents in our position, we were anxious, confused, fearful and, because of that, we spent most of the time telling him what to do instead of just listening to him. We have learned that, despite everything we tried, our son made a choice to end his pain and we had to accept this hard reality.

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I started teaching Family-to-Family classes for NAMI, educating caregivers about mental illness to better help their loved ones while maintaining a healthy life for themselves. My husband and I were active members of a parent Alanon group. Through connections with others, I was introduced to Annette Craig, our founder, and I became a member of the staff.

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I remember helping out at one of our high school presentations and a young man asked to speak to me afterwards. He said, "I think I have these symptoms and I've never told anyone, even my parents." The school staff that day called his parents and resources were given to this troubled young man. I think of him often and hope that he is better.

 

The grief of losing Llewynn never goes away but it becomes more bearable by talking about my loss. I tell the participants of our bereavement group that there is hope. Life can be spent with joy and purpose. The memories of our loved one that died are always with us and that, in itself, is a gift.